Will They Win by Turning into Apples?
by silvestris.silvia
Summary: AU in which shinigami do not want life span but something else. High school student Light Yagami picks up not a death note, but the Shinigami King's personal advertisement. Detective L Lawliet receives an unconventional help request. A special arrangement begins. (For silnok in the 2016 DN Secret Santa Exchange on Tumblr)


From his classroom, third-year high school student Light Yagami saw something drop from the sky and fall onto the ground.

Out of boredom, he picked it up after school, opened it, read it, closed it, contemplated his options, and walked home.

* * *

Days later, detective L Lawliet listened to his assistant Watari's report.

'You've received a plea for assistance from the Japan NPA, but the request was actually sent by the 17-year-old son of the Chief of Criminal Affairs Bureau, who hacked into the NPA system using his father's account as leverage. The sender's name is Light Yagami.'

* * *

Some more days later, Light Yagami and L Lawliet met face-to-face for the first time in a luxury hotel suite in Tokyo.

'Remind me again, how did we end up like this?' Light still held onto the thin thread of hope that all of these were just a nightmare he would soon wake up from. 'Why do some creatures who call themselves _shinigami_ now think that we're lovers, and why are we pandering to their fantasy by moving in together?'

'Because you picked up the Shinigami King's _personal advertisement_ , Light-kun. As can be inferred from its other name, the _lonely hearts advertisement_ , it's a notice that people use to find themselves a romantic partner.'

'But shinigami are not _people_ ,' Light gritted his teeth.

'Correct, but they seem to use such advertisements like people do.' L continued dispassionately, 'anyway, after you picked it up, a shinigami matchmaker appeared and insisted that you and the King should become lovers as soon as possible. The only way to refuse the offer and make the shinigami go away is to prove that you already have a stable, long-term partner, but none of the females around you could convince the matchmaker. Desperate, you hacked into the NPA for resources for dealing with extraordinary situations. That was how you came into contact with L, the best detective in the world, me.

'Intrigued by the idea of "shinigami", I instructed Watari to reply and seek further information, despite the fact that it wasn't the type of "case" I usually tackle. To both of our surprise, this made the matchmaker believe that I was a "contender for your heart" and "the King's enemy", so to speak.

'Normally, I wouldn't have bothered maintaining such delusion, but I also wanted to investigate the shinigami, which would be an easier task if I could keep the matchmaker somewhere near me. You wanted to disenchant the Shinigami King, and this would also become easier if you knew more about the shinigami species. As such, our interests aligned.

'Neither of us applied for entrance, but both of us found ourselves in a contest already. Since defeat was not an option, we formed this arrangement. We'll live under the same roof until we've convinced the shinigami that we're indeed a happy couple and that the King has no hope to interfere.

'Is this a good explanation, Light-kun?'

'Yes, but I knew all of this already.'

'I suspected so, but you did ask to be reminded, and obliging to each other's wishes is, according to some people, what real lovers do. Though, on second thought, real lovers do what they think would be good for each other as well, so perhaps I should've refrained from giving you an unpleasant reminder.'

'Hee hee heeeee! I know you're a lousy boyfriend, L Lawliet! You're no match for the King!' Something more than twice the height of human and with wings larger than a table materialised between the two young men. Light and L both looked more annoyed than shocked by the shinigami matchmaker's sudden apparition, suggesting that this was not a first-time occurrence.

'Ryuk-san, while I didn't respond to Light-kun's request in the most ideal way, I made it up by showing sincerity to make amends. On the other hand, don't you think such intrusion upon Light-kun's daily life (and, by association, mine as well) isn't going to increase the King's odds in winning his heart? And how do you know my name?'

Thus began the tale of Light Yagami and L Lawliet working together to prevail over the supernatural creatures called shinigami.

* * *

'I've been meaning to say, I've seen a western-style hotel suite with a kitchen before, but I never saw one with a kotatsu. It's an interesting sight.' Light commented when dinner was served at said kotatsu, reclining on a legless zaisu while L sat very casually on the carpet. Since the traditional low table covered in futon was usually used for warmth, Light did not see why a room that already had central heating shall need this piece of furniture.

'I considered getting a traditional Japanese suite but all available options seemed too small, so I chose to renovate a western one. I don't like sitting on a chair. If we used chairs, you'd find me in a pose that most people consider strange. It seems better to use this if we're to make the shinigami believe that we're close.'

And 'bam' appeared the shinigami, flapping his large wings excitedly. 'Hee hee heeeee! You can't fool me, L Lawliet! You try to assimilate into Light's culture but you've done it wrong! I've seen Light's house and they don't have a kotatsu at all! You don't understand what Japanese people do. You two are too different! Hee hee heeeee!'

'This is a very lousy argument, Ryuk-san. Firstly, you've either totally ignored or misheard the reason I installed a kotatsu in the first place, which is to let me avoid chairs. Secondly, you wrongly assumed that people from different cultures can't live in harmony and your argument bordered on irrational xenophobia. Lastly, if cultural differences were such impassable barriers in a relationship, it'd be more impossible for a human to fall in love with a _shinigami_ , as I imagine there'd be even a larger cultural gap between the two _species_. Though I'm curious, will you tell us more about the shinigami culture?'

'Uh…' Ryuk tilted his head, baffled (and perhaps bored, too) by L's long talk. 'Arguing with you is no fun, L Lawliet. I'll show that the Shinigami King is more fun than you another day. Bye, Light.'

And 'bam' disappeared the shinigami. A moment of silence ensued as the two humans stared at where Ryuk had been just a second ago.

'… So you don't like chairs… and also eat a lot of sweets.' Light changed topic a moment later, after observing L's so-called 'dinner'.

'Yes. While you're free to take upon a different diet, you may also have sweets any time you like. I have plenty of them, and lovers are supposed to share, after all.'

'… No, thank you. Perhaps another time.'

'Sure.' Expressionless, L crammed his mouth with a large piece of strawberry shortcake.

* * *

'Perhaps this would be a better thing to share.'

'… A "human washing machine"?'

'Invented by Watari. This is the only model in the world.'

Light stared at it warily. L went on, matter-of-factly, about the machine which was even larger than a wardrobe. 'Before you go in, you can choose cold water or warm water, and there're two modes—"rinse and spin", and "soak"…'

'"Rinse and spin" and "soak"…'

'Just think of them as shower and bath. You may check here how much shampoo, conditioner and body gel are left. There's also a tooth brushing function located at the other side of the machine. Is everything clear?'

'… Very.' Thinking he should try to be appreciative, Light put on a polite smile and added, 'Watari-san is an innovative man. It's very outside-the-box thinking, this machine.'

He anticipated more exchange of pleasantries, but he was surprised when L's habitual poker face morphed into a smile. 'Yes, Watari has many talents.'

 _He looked like a different person when he smiled… almost like a child?_ The thought fleeted through Light's mind all of a sudden, and the reply he gave seemed to echo in his throat more than usual. '… I might as well try this machine, then.'

'OK.' L turned away and walked out of the bathroom.

Only after the door closed with a soft thud did Light recognise the smile on his own face had widened, becoming less contrived and more sincere, as a reflection of the genuine smile he just saw.

The moment was ruined by a shinigami who suddenly appeared to argue that the Shinigami King was superior because he did not need to take a bath or shower to remain clean. Light's smile changed again, this time getting disdainful, and began to refute and (unsuccessfully) interrogate.

* * *

Cold rain was pouring outside but it was blocked by thick walls and central heating. The hotel suite was cozily warm, and also quiet except for the sounds of clicking on video consoles and of virtual tennis rackets hitting a green ball on the screen.

No one could explain why a top-level detective who supposedly had _cases_ (emphasis on the plural) to solve and a third-year high school student who supposedly had a _university entrance exam_ to prepare would rather spend their time trying to beat each other in a video game, but both of them could not wait until the rain stopped for a game of real tennis to prove himself _the better player_ , after idle chatter led each man to boast of their experience and excellence in the sport. One could only say, this was what childish people who hated to lose would do.

L missed a particularly vicious shot from Light, giving his opponent the last point needed for victory. He gasped, but soon controlled himself and began finding excuses. 'Being good at the video game does not translate to being good at the real thing…' he muttered.

'But it's at least true that I'm better than you at the video game. Keep the excuses coming, won't you?' Light said happily, a wide grin on his face as he stood up to stretch his body after sitting on the floor for a long time.

On the other hand, L with a dejected expression leant backwards and attached himself fully to the carpet. Craning his neck more that the top of his head touched the floor and the world turned upside-down in his eye, L finally acknowledged the third occupant of the room.

'Ryuk-san, if you're going to suggest that our relationship is turning sour because we're competing against each other, you can save your breath because I have at least five counter-arguments in store and I'm fairly confident in each and every one of them.'

'… What?'

'Are you not here to argue the case for the Shinigami King?'

'… Oh! Yes, the King gave me this job, indeed… but…' Under L and Light's curious gazes, the shinigami matchmaker scratched his blue-gray chin with a long, pointy, black index finger. 'But… this video game looks interesting. Can I play?'

One still standing and one still lying on the floor, Light and L exchanged a thoughtful look.

* * *

'Sugar plum and currant tart. Pavlova, preferably with blueberry jam, but syrup is also acceptable. Banana pudding parfait. Caramel apple bar. And chocolate cake, which is an eternal classic.'

'This is not for _you_. I'm not putting aside my exam study to make food for _you_. Just ask Watari-san if _you_ want dessert.'

'… If you add enough chocolate to the cake, it'll become a "devil's food cake". Admittedly it's not a "shinigami's food cake", but it may be the closest we can get.' L acted as if he had not heard Light's complaint.

'… Come to think of it, while it's me who doesn't want to be outdoors when we talk to Ryuk, I'm still uncertain that food is more "interesting" than a video game that Ryuk will want to stay longer and answer our questions. Do shinigami even eat?'

'… Come to think of it, all my suggestions have been western-style desserts. Should we add some Japanese ones?'

Light rested his forehead on his hand to calm himself, but L looked as nonchalant as ever and inserted a large chocolate cookie into his mouth. Ten minutes after Watari put it on the kotatsu, L had already half destroyed the tower of cookies. Light sighed, writing more ideas of food on a piece of paper. He ultimately agreed to put in one dessert because apparently 'when consumed in moderation, dessert is a legit component of a decent meal'.

Though, in the end, it did not matter whether the two young men thought to make a six-course formal dinner or a decadent dessert buffet. When the food in the saucepan burnt for the seventh time in two hours, they both agreed that while they were both exceptional geniuses, cooking was not among their numerous talents. (More agreement was found in the former statement than in the latter.)

From the fry pan, a pillar of fire suddenly shot up and would have scorched L's hand and hair if Light had not pulled him away in time. Side by side, they watched the fire almost reach the roof, threatening to leave a permanent mark on the white surface.

'… We need another plan.' Stunned, Light said after a few seconds of fire-watching.

'… Naturally.' L replied. It was he who finally crept forward and switched off the electric stove. And it was then that they retreated from the kitchen and returned to the living area.

* * *

The world was unfair in that good planning was sometimes less important than luck. But it was also fair when those who had planned hard were rewarded with a stroke of good fortune.

In such a lucky stroke, Light and L discovered that they did not need elaborate gourmet dishes to keep Ryuk engaged and talking. 'I found it! I found it!' One night, shortly after Light retired to his bedroom, he opened the door and rushed back to the living area.

L turned from his laptop to look at Light, surprised. Light's eyes were shining brightly in excitement, and L's own pitch-black eyes widened at the sight.

'I found it!' Light grinned like he had hit the jackpot. Maybe he had. 'It's _apples_.'

'Apples?'

Yes, apples. The shinigami wanted apples. And he could have lots of apples, if he told the sneaky bastards who held apples more about the shinigami realm.

'We're called the shinigami, the "gods of death", because of the Shinigami King.' Ryuk devoured the juicy apple handed to him by L. 'He was the first of us. He used to roam the human world to find a partner himself, but quite a number of people had a heart attack and died once they saw him. This gave rise to the "shinigami" legend.

'The King doesn't want to make people die again; he just wants to find someone who _luurrves_ him. I'm free and I don't scare people to death, so he appoints me as a "matchmaker". Only after a human expresses interest will I take them to see the King. For fairness, the King also agrees to not spy on the human, except listening to what I report to him.'

'That explains why the "personal advertisement" doesn't have the Shinigami King's picture at all.' Light mused. 'Is he the King because he's killed the most people by his looks?'

'No, that's because he's remained single for the longest time. We call him the King because we pity him.'

L handed Ryuk another apple for answering a question. While he and Light came up with the list of questions together, it was agreed that the questioning should be handled by Light, whom Ryuk seemed to like more. ('I'm 100% sure of this,' Light said, smirking. L's eyes widened again when Light mentioned the percentage, but did not object.)

'The more I hear, the more I feel _so lucky_ …' Adjusting his facial muscle to make his smile less strained and more natural, Light continued, 'Why do shinigami want to be matched with human-beings? If you want a partner, why don't you marry among yourselves?'

'That's a long story. Can I have five apples for answering this question?'

'You can have three big ones if your answer proves _very_ satisfactory.' L deadpanned.

'Huh… See, the King was the first of us. When it was just him, there wasn't any other shinigami that he could be matched with, at all. He felt very lonely, so he decided to find himself a human partner, but as I said, that was a total failure.

'So he had an idea, "Why not create my own companion?" but he could not create humans. With the soil and water of his own realm, he created us, the rest of the shinigami. But… that plan was a total failure as well! Hee hee heeeee!'

To the shock and dismay of his audience, Ryuk laughed a shrilly laugh which lasted for almost a minute.

'Sorry, this is my favourite part of the story. It's so funny, hee hee! See, we all look so ugly that he doesn't want us as companions once he sees us. What's more, some of the new shinigami take after the King and yearn for human companionship, so we end up having even more ugly shinigami wankers than ever. Isn't that funny?'

'But what will happen if a human agrees to be with a shinigami?' Light asked impatiently, ignoring Ryuk's solicitation.

'What will happen if a human agrees to be with a shinigami?' Ryuk repeated the question. 'Why, they'll become a couple, of course.'

'But what would they _do_ as "a couple"?'

'Why, they'll be in love and do a lot of romantic stuff, of course. I'd rather they turn into apples and let me eat them, but nope.'

'"Do a lot of romantic stuff"… No I _don't_ want to imagine that… But why did the Shinigami King choose me, or why did you choose me for the Shinigami King?'

'Hunh?' The towering shinigami lowered his torso to stare at the young human before him, his smile becoming wider and creepier. 'You picked up the ad and brought it home. Doesn't that mean you're at least a little interested?'

'NO!' Light yelled vehemently. Then, reluctantly, he began describing his worst mistake in life. How he hoped he had done differently at that time. 'I just picked it up because I was curious, and I thought the whole thing was a joke reading it! I was going to throw it away at the day they collect paper for recycling… Anyway.' Desiring to end the unpleasant reminiscence, he put on a small, hopeful smile and changed the topic. 'Now that we know it's all a series of unfortunate misunderstanding, can we stop this farce of trying to match me with the Shinigami King?'

'Stop? Why? As I said, I'll stop if I'm certain that you're so deeply in love with someone else, that you definitely won't fall for the King.'

'But I'm already _not_ interested now!'

'Doesn't matter. No one ever gets interested in the King right away, anyway.'

'You've dragged me into a meaningless mess!'

'What'd'ya mean? You lived in a meaningful mess before?'

The room became very quiet. Light and L did not breathe a sound and Ryuk did not need to breathe.

'One last question.' Light's voice was almost lethal. 'What will convince you that L and I are such a devoted couple that the Shinigami King can never match with me, so that you'll leave me alone?'

'Huh, I'll probably know it when I see it. I heard that love is special for everyone and each couple has their own way of showing devotion! I'm curious myself because it's my first time doing this job! Hope you give me something interesting!'

Finally, Ryuk asked an aghast Light, 'if that's your last question, can I have ten more apples?'

* * *

L thought quickly and often thought several things at once.

He thought about what he had just learnt about shinigami; possible reasons for Ryuk's love of apples; similarities and differences between sweets, apples and chocolate; meaningfully messy or meaninglessly messy cases that the police might come to him for; the sounds Light Yagami was making at the other side of the hotel suite.

Light had been in a bad mood after Ryuk left (having consumed an atrocious number of apples). 'I can't believe uncovering all this information hasn't helped me get out of this disaster,' he muttered with great contempt.

His wrath extended to the only remaining person in the room. 'Since things are the way they are, remember that you _agreed_ to maintain our arrangement until that shinigami is willing to leave me alone.' He looked sharply at L and his tone was accusing even though L was not the cause of his ill temper—the culprit had gone already.

'I remember,' answered L.

Light then stormed away, leaving L to his thinking in the living area. So L thought and clicked through pages on his laptop, even after Light quieted down.

But he stopped when his nose detected an unusual aroma. He looked at the direction it came from, which was the kitchen, from which Light emerged at this exact moment.

The younger man seemed surprised by L's attention. He thought of what happened before he entered the kitchen, and felt slightly abashed. 'Sorry I've been rude just now.' He felt strangely defensive when L merely tilted his head, so he added, 'I was just frustrated. Every time I thought I might finally get rid of the shinigami, it didn't work. Once I knew the only way was to be in a relationship, I started dating one by one the many girls who had a crush on me, but each time Ryuk appeared before them, they were immediately scared away.'

'And when I responded to your help request out of curiosity about the "shinigami", Ryuk thought I was another person you asked out. When I saw him and showed no sign of "deserting" you, he judged that I was "sufficiently interested" in our "relationship".' L finished the story and summarised, 'Ryuk also interpreted your taking the Shinigami King's personal advertisement as a display of "interest". We can thus conclude that the shinigami species, or at least the shinigami Ryuk, has a very garbled or unique understanding of "romantic interest".

'On the plus side, this means that Ryuk doesn't become skeptical—at least not yet—when we show less physical intimacy than actual couples. But on the minus side, it'll be difficult to predict what can clinch his belief that we're inseparable. As you mentioned, our current arrangement needs to be maintained until Ryuk is completely convinced.

'But naturally, you knew all of this already and wouldn't feel better listening to it again. I forgot. I'll remember next time.'

Light blinked, before the reference to their first night in the hotel suite dawned on him. 'It doesn't matter. Not anymore,' he hastened to reassure L, 'though… well… you always talk a lot at such moments. I guess it comes with being a detective, right?'

'Maybe, but what I'm going to say has nothing to do with being a detective,' L said impatiently, biting his thumb. 'Light-kun has baked something.'

'… Oh, you smelled it? Well, yes,' Light laughed, 'I just didn't want to accept I can't do anything from exorcism to cooking properly, so I thought I must get at least one thing done. I've done a lot more preparation since last time, and I made it!'

Happily, he brought his success from the kitchen to the kotatsu. It was in a very dark brown, not because of bad baking but because of the rich chocolate. 'The devil's food cake,' he smirked, 'not the shinigami's food cake, but close enough. Try.'

L returned the smirk, took the fork Light gave him, and plunged into what they fantasised as an annoying shinigami.

'Oi! Leave some to me!'

'Light-kun is very good at cooking once he puts his heart into it.'

* * *

Wanting _progress_ , Light contemplated what he could do to show the shinigami. What L said earlier came to mind: ' _… we show less physical intimacy than actual couples…_ '

 _They might look more convincing as a 'couple' if they showed physical intimacy._

Sound theory, but there was no guarantee that it would work due to the shinigami's peculiar perspective.

It was worth trying if there was a chance of success, but not worth embarrassing himself too much if success was not guaranteed, Light reasoned.

He counted the kinds of 'physical intimacy' he could think of:

 _Actually doing anything on the bed._ HELL NO!

 _Staying on the same bed for the night, everyone being as still as a corpse._ Borderline acceptable if given an adequately sized bed (at least one man's width between them), but the problem was that he and L did not ever sleep at the same time. In fact, judging from the dark circles under his eyes, L slept very little if at all. No, he should think of something that did not involve sleep.

 _Hugging and/or snuggling._ Erm… not if there was any other way.

 _Holding hands or holding arms._ Arms were a bit… Hands may be acceptable within the hotel suite where there was no one else (except maybe Watari) to see, and if Light used his left hand, he could still spare his right hand to write on his exercise books. But _L_ was always typing and clicking on the laptop and Light doubted he would accept having to type with one hand only. They could hold hands while having a walk outside but then there would be _people_ … Light did not even like it when people looked at him holding hands with his previous girlfriends…

His previous girlfriends.

An idea came upon him.

He smiled.

Light Yagami had a plan.

'So we walk along the coast and the backs of our hands touch sporadically.' L repeated the plan while observing the sea under a paling blue sky.

The air was cool but L still wore his usual white t-shirt and blue jeans. His tattered sneakers and Light's suede shoes stood on beach sand, at the brink of being wetted by calm sea waves.

'Yes, I've heard girls say they've seen this in films and think it romantic. Don't you think the shinigami may be more attracted to abstractly romantic ideas than to… well, more explicit things? To them, it's ridiculously easy to qualify as "interested", but they don't seem to know what lovers _actually_ do.'

'You got the idea from girls.' L turned to look at Light, but said little except, 'OK.'

'… Just like that?' Light was surprised how quickly L acquiesced. 'No commentary? No analysis?'

'Unlike Light-kun, I don't have many girls teaching me what's romantic and what's not.' L said flatly. 'Since you're the more experienced one here, I'll follow your plan.'

L looked away again and began walking at a leisurely pace. Light caught up with him easily and walked on his right. The beach was far from deserted but not too crowded either, and nobody disrupted the lines of footprints they left behind.

At first, Light kept on casting furtive glances around them, but nobody seemed to realise they were being intentionally 'intimate'. Confirmed that they looked like two ordinary men having an ordinary walk, he gradually relaxed.

The walk was quiet with a comfortable hum. Their pace was slow but steady; even the 'sporadic' touching of hands acquired a rhythm.

 _It felt like knocking_ , Light suddenly thought.

The sun was setting, the pale blue sky was dyed bright orange, and someone was knocking at the door of his heart.

Ryuk did not turn up to offer snarky comments this time. If they wanted to, they could lure him out with apples and asked what he thought about their little 'show', but no one was in the mood to do it.

'Learning from you, I prepared a counter-argument in case Ryuk said this idea felt clichéd and fake. But I don't feel like summoning him now just for the argument.' Light murmured, leaning on the back of his zaisu. L nodded but did not say anything. 'Why are you so quiet today?' Light asked curiously, but his voice soon picked up a tint of tease. 'Are you so upset by not having had a girlfriend before?'

'No.' Just as Light predicted, that jolted L out from his silence. 'As far as girls were concerned, I merely contemplated those you mentioned.'

' _You_ contemplated _my_ girlfriends.' Light said mockingly. 'Don't you realise how suspicious that sounds?' Faint currents of excitement swiftly replaced the warm sluggishness following the walk.

'It's very natural, thinking about your girlfriends. They didn't help you much when you first confronted Ryuk because they were too scared of the shinigami to become, or even pretend to be, your long-term partner.'

'… Yes.'

'But they suggested the idea we implemented today. Unless presented with apples, the shinigami would not appear if he didn't see a chance to point out how the King would be preferable to me as your partner. Since he didn't appear after our walk, we can assume that today is a success, thanks to your girlfriends' idea.'

'Unhelpful people have helped, after all.' Light mused, placing his left arm on the kotatsu to support his chin. 'But you couldn't have been thinking about that all evening. Have you got any more ideas from those girls? But you…'

'But I don't even know them. How can I get ideas from them?' L finished for him. 'You're right, I couldn't have got any ideas, and I don't.'

 _Then why were you so quiet?_ Light looked at L expectantly, and L's answer was surprisingly simple.

Black eyes met dark brown. 'I was just enjoying our walk. That's all.' L gave Light a smile.

This was the second rare smile he was given, and for some reason, Light liked it even better than the first one. A bit shy but willing, he returned the smile.

Both smiles were short, but their eyes connected a little longer even after the smiles faded.

* * *

They continued probing Ryuk, trading apples for information, but eventually there came a point where mere information could not satiate their curiosity.

They wanted to see the notorious Shinigami King.

'The King has scared many people to death with his looks. Why so suicidal?' Ryuk asked.

'From your description, I'm 99.9% certain that surprise played a big factor in those people's demise, and there were also people surviving the unpleasant shock.' L explained in his usual cool tone. 'I think a planned viewing of the King can actually increase our chance of survival, should we be unfortunate enough to meet him unexpectedly in the future. Though I'll admit: we ask mostly due to curiosity.'

'Since you're obviously excited about the _interesting_ idea instead of concerned about our safety, you'll agree. Am I right, Ryuk?' Light smirked confidently.

Light was right, but seeing the Shinigami King was a harder task than they first imagined.

They taught Ryuk how to use a camera, but human devices did not work in the shinigami realm. ('Can you bring us samples of the soil, water and air from your realm, Ryuk-san?')

They uncovered a compilation of each shinigami's portrait, complete with an analysis of their strengths and personality, composed by two humans named Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata many years ago ('I _knew_ we can't be the only people interested in this!' Light said happily), but when it came to the King, everything was filled with 'N/A'.

'I remember those two. They said they preferred ignoring the King. The King was heartbroken about this, he wept in his pillow.' Ryuk recalled fondly.

'Shinigami have _pillows_?'

'The King does.'

'Pillow sample, please.'

Ryuk was a lousy painter and they could not expect him to draw the King while he could not even draw his favourite food.

'I've redefined my perception of "apple" after seeing this picture,' commented L.

If Light claimed he would like to see the King before making a decision, would the King agree?

'If you ask to see him, this means you've agreed to his proposal.' Ryuk reminded them.

'Even if he decides to meet you before your agreement, it may still make him think you're more inclined to agree than not. This may lead to further difficulties,' L pointed out. He paced around the room and thought of another possibility, 'what if _I_ ask to meet him?'

Oh yes, after taking a humongous number of apples as bribe, Ryuk went to the shinigami realm and suggested to the King that, if he appeared before the human named L Lawliet, said human might be scared away, clearing the way between the King and his match.

'But what if he dies? I want him to leave; I don't want him to die.' The Shinigami King might be very ugly, but he had a kind heart.

'I think the previous humans died because Your Ugliness came as a surprise. He won't die if I inform him earlier. You just need to be there, say something, and see if that can scare him away.' Ryuk replied as rehearsed.

Upon Ryuk's promise that his potential match would not be anywhere near to see him (a promise that was easily broken), the Shinigami King descended upon the human realm (the source of much his longing and sorrow) to face off his 'enemy'.

They met on the roof of the hotel, Light hiding behind the door and observing from a tiny crack.

For readers' comfort, the King's appearance would not be described here. It sufficed to say that L staggered and stared speechlessly with his mouth half open for a long time, while Light had to cover _his_ mouth with full force and lean on the wall so hard to stop himself from screaming.

The meeting ended shortly, but the impact lasted a little longer. When Ryuk and the Shinigami King were gone, Light walked out to meet L, confronting the chilly winter gust blowing at the roof.

L always looked pale, but Light thought he now looked even paler and his dark eye circles more prominent. His stoop, though also habitual, made him look even more exhausted.

'Are you feeling well? I… He… That went beyond expectation.' Light said, concerned.

'Yes. My knees went weak the moment I saw him, and I barely escaped falling down because I was mentally prepared to see something grotesque. Still, I was more shocked than I thought I would be.' Although L spoke of shock, Light was relieved to hear that L's voice was quickly back to clinical and steady as usual, which meant he was recovering.

'You saw the King from a close distance. That must have strengthened the impact.'

'You look tense,' L asked suddenly, 'are you _afraid_ because you find out you're being chased by such a grotesque creature?'

'What?' Light did not expect this question at all. Even more disconcerting was the look L was paying him—a scrutinising and judging one—and his heart suddenly burnt with anger and… disappointment. 'Don't… Don't look at me like that! Like I was… was some criminal you're going to _investigate_ ,' he spat, but immediately regretted his outburst. 'Sorry. We shouldn't quarrel if we're to convince the shinigami that we're deeply in love with each other.'

He took a deep breath and went on, 'As to your question, it's too late to be _afraid_ now. I must focus on how to get out of this. I will _win_ this one.'

He felt powerful with this declaration and smiled in a way that was neither polite nor playful. He realised this and adjusted immediately, but L must have seen it already, for he raised an eyebrow, now looking more inquisitive than threatening.

He stepped closer to Light and asked, 'So you're determined? Don't feel demotivated? Will march forward no matter what? Will reach victory at all costs? Even if… hm, say, hypothetically speaking… if our "arrangement" doesn't work out, and you're on your own against the shinigami again?'

L looked… expectant.

'… _Yes_.' Light could not say for sure what L was expecting, but, somehow, his own honest answer was also filled with expectation as he gazed at the other man.

There was a moment of silence, but L ultimately decided that Light was believable and replied, ' _Good_.' He then smiled as aggressively as Light just did, and even chuckled a little. Light stared in wonder.

'One, I just had an idea. While excessive quarreling is undesirable, small conflicts which are eventually resolved are normal in relationships. This can form our next strategy.

'Two, and this is the more important point, I'm glad that Light-kun is so set on winning. This suits me, because I'm set on winning, too.'

L said no more, but Light already felt elated. Emotions swelled in his chest and he felt a glow from within, warming him even before he left the roof and returned to the protection of walls and central heating.

* * *

Light seldom had the pleasure to enjoy having someone on his side. It made him feel invincible. This was a dangerous feeling because no one could be invincible. The next day saw the proof of this axiom when Light, leaving the venue of his university entrance exam with supreme confidence of having aced every subject that ever existed in the universe, was ambushed.

Forcibly dragged to a nearby park.

By his own sister.

'Sayu! What're you doing?'

'When will you come home?'

'Why aren't you going home?'

' _When will you come home?_ ' The pony-tailed girl was young and naïve in appearance, but she fired her questions like a veteran sniper.

Lieutenant Light braced himself for the assault. 'When this is _over_. I said so before, didn't I?'

'It's been weeks already.'

'I also said this may be a long mission, didn't I? And we've talked in messages.'

'You reply to Mum's messages and mine, but what about Dad?'

Sniper Sayu launched a particularly vicious attack and the sky rained with bullets. Lieutenant Light ducked. 'I've heard no bad news from Dad.'

'Because you haven't heard from Dad _at all_!' A bullet hit Lieutenant Light in the waist, costing him his balance. 'You've been especially evasive whenever I mentioned Dad in the messages, but Dad let slip yesterday! He hasn't been in contact with you since you left home! Is what you did really that bad? Hacking into the NPA system? That's the _real_ reason you ran away from home, isn't it?'

His corpse would have been full of bullet holes by now if this were a real battlefield, so Light could not pretend anymore. '… I moved in with the person who agrees to play my partner until the shinigami is convinced, because that's the quicker way. We didn't know each other before, so if we just dated normally, it would've taken a much longer time before we could look extremely convincing.'

'But you could've at least come home for a visit! With that detective playing your partner, even! Isn't that what a couple will do? Visiting each other's parents? Or ask us to visit you?'

'We have many ideas to increase our credibility _and_ to investigate the shinigami tribe. The progress so far is satisfactory. We're currently developing a scene in which we'll quarrel, make up and become "closer" to each other. I can also propose your idea to L tonight and discuss whether there's merit to it. Thanks, Sayu.'

'This is what you do when you're being evasive. Appear to accept an idea, and then never mention it ever again.' Sayu held Light's hands in hers, as if afraid he would run away. 'I… I still remember the day Dad found out—we all found out—about the hacking and the shinigami…

'You… You needed a "long-term partner" to get rid of the shinigami, but none of the people you know fit the bill. You were so desperate to find an alternative solution, so you hacked into the police database and found the contact of this detective who took on the most "extraordinary" cases.

'You even managed to make Detective L agree to keep this a secret, and it would've been totally hush-hush if the shinigami—Rock? Ryuga? Ryuk?—if he hadn't suddenly appeared to "promote the Shinigami King to Light's family", and somehow, from the shinigami's babbling, we not only heard about you hacking _once_ , but also about you having hacked into the NPA many times before, whenever you were _bored_ and felt like learning about cases…'

'You don't need to repeat everything. We both know what happened!' Light said bitterly, 'I… I've never seen Dad like that before… so angry and… _disappointed_ …'

'So you just left in the morning, with a note…'

Light raised a hand to stop Sayu. 'I know I've made some questionable decisions, but things have been going on well now. I may even say that L and I have become friends. When I go home,' his voice allowed no objection, ' _success will follow me_. This is how I'll make amends.'

Normally, Sayu would have clapped and supported her brother when he showed such determination and confidence, but now she simply looked worried. '… Are you really that happy? With this Detective L person?'

'…What do you mean?'

'I mean… you're living with someone you've known for just a few weeks, and you have to pretend to be lovers with him… You provide the opportunity to study supernatural creatures; he provides for your living arrangement and helps you get rid of those creatures… Isn't it a very strange arrangement, no matter how you look at it? Does it really work?'

'… Don't worry, Sayu.' Light put on a smile, which veiled how nervously his heart was beating. 'Things are all right. It works…

' _It'll work until the moment we win._ ' That Light knew.

He just did not know whether it would still work after that.

When Light returned to the hotel suite that day, L expected to see someone who felt triumphant after completing all exams, and his eyes did not leave Light when he immediately sensed there was something different with the high school student.

'Would Light-kun mind terribly if I try to deduce what happened? Does that count as "investigating him"?'

'… Tell me what you're thinking.'

'… While there is a 0.6% probability of you having flunked your university entrance exam, the truth is most likely something else. Also, it takes at most 45 minutes to travel from the exam venue to the hotel, yet it took you more than an hour, so something obviously happened in between. You look as pristine as when you left, so it's not very probable that you've had an accident. Did you meet someone?'

Light gave a small smile, feeling ironic. 'Correct. Whom do you think I met, then?'

L was silent for a moment, his eyes still fixed on Light while he worked to come up with the most logical answer. 'Your sister,' he finally said.

Light's smile widened, but there was still a sad quality to it that L was not sure that he liked. 'You're really the world's best detective, aren't you. What gave it away?'

Despite being correct, L sounded cautious when he said, '… because your family are the most likely to make you this way, and your sister is the most likely to see you at this time of the day and under current circumstances.'

Light sat on his zaisu, on the side of the kotatsu opposite L. L lowered the laptop's screen with one hand, and started chewing on the thumb of the other.

Light began. 'Sayu made me realise the current arrangement is unfair. Now that I'm done with exams, I'll find a part-time job and repay half of your expenses—though I apologise it'll have to be slow. To be honest, I could've handled a part-time job even before the exams…'

'Watari once said that I should pay for everything because I chose this hotel and installed the kotatsu without consulting you at all. And since the day I moved here, I've in fact earned more than I've spent just by solving cases from afar.' L tapped on the back of his laptop. 'Though, if you really so desire, Watari's the person you should talk to…' He caught himself in the middle. '… but that's not what's bothering you.'

'I… Yeah, well, I…' There were so many things that Light wanted to say, but did not know where to start. 'It just occurred to me, that I haven't properly thanked you for agreeing to help.' He finally opted for a safer approach. One thing was clear: he did not want to say anything that drove L _away_. 'I know you're more interested in learning about and playing with the shinigami, but it's a great help to me. You know I couldn't find anyone else—no one expected to encounter _difficulties_ when they were with me…

'It may be strange of me to say this, we're in a very strange situation, after all—and I'm not saying it because Ryuk may be watching—but I truly enjoy what we've been doing so far. _Truly_.' Light didn't say 'even though we're just pretending' aloud, but the words rang in the air.

Another thing which did not need to be said but was clear, was that it mattered very much what L's reply would be.

What had they been? Were they someone who fell into misfortune and an unlikely Samarian who arrived by chance? Or a curious detective and a client bringing in an extraordinary case?

What would they become? When the shinigami were finally banished, when there was no longer a reason to pretend anymore? Would they simply part ways?

Was this going to be the only race they would win together?

 _Ah, but the answers were not to be found via investigation and deduction,_ L thought, and he made a resolution.

'I don't care if what we have here is strange. I have the utmost confidence that I can handle strange perfectly. It's sometimes said that I'm strange,' L said, his eyes never leaving Light.

It was easy to recognise Light's conventionally good looks, but L found that his objective acknowledgement had slowly given way to another kind of affirmation. Looking at him had gradually become an enjoyable activity.

'You said you enjoy it, and you're not alone. Maybe it's not often that a situation needs me to work with someone… but it's even rarer that I'm pleased by the process…'

L crawled slowly around the square kotatsu, towards the person who attracted him so.

'We did start from extraordinary circumstances, but I see no reason not to take advantage, if we can derive any positive outcome from them…'

L reached the opposite side of the low table. The two men never broke eye contact, and now they were seeing clearly every shade of colour in each other's irises.

It was unmistakable to both, what would happen next.

'Light-kun is more experienced in such matter. Can he tell me whether this is a good timing to…?' L whispered, his black eyes shining with a hunger that was unrelated to any sweets that he so often ate.

Light's replying giggle was quiet as well, and his heartbeat was possibly louder than any sound he could make right now. 'You're such a cheek, aren't you, asking what you already know…'

L crawled just a little more, one of his hands slowly reaching the back of Light's head, and their lips touched.

 _This race was not going to be won by investigation and deduction, but action._

* * *

'Let me get this straight. You and the Shinigami King finally decided to leave me alone, but not because of anything L and I have done, but because some novice model… what's her name again? Miso? Missy? Misa? Misa Amane? Because she insisted that all shinigami must be her fans and her fans alone? What the heck is this?'

'You seem disgruntled. Yet, not long ago, you wanted us to leave so much.'

'I _want_ you to leave! I was _ecstatic_ when I heard you're going to leave! But what you said makes no sense! Doesn't the Shinigami King want "love"? How does forming a shinigami _fan club_ for a model give the King love?'

'I won't say I totally understand it either, but that girl told Jealous, and Jealous told Rem, and Rem told the King—Jealous and Rem are two of the shinigami who want "love" like the King does, the silly sort—anyway, Amane said "love between idol and fans is the purest, because people like me strive to symbolise all that's good and beautiful, and fans help me become all that". The King _salivated_ at the sound of "purest love"; it's a nasty sight.' Ryuk and Light scrunched up their noses at the thought of a salivating Shinigami King. L made a weak sound.

'… Has Amane met the King?' Light asked skeptically.

'Yes. She said no wonder nobody loved the King before, but a good idol loves all her fans and lives for them, and she'll be a good idol because she's destined to become a superstar. And even though there should be as many fans as possible, each of them would be dear and special to her heart, is all she said.'

'…'

'What can a shinigami fan club do for a model? I doubt she wants you to appear before her human fans. And do shinigami even have money to buy anything she's promoting, or her own merchandise?'

'You'd have to ask Rem and Jealous if you wanna know. They were the ones who took notes. I didn't listen.' Ryuk uncaringly shrugged off L's questions while staring at the ceiling. 'I'm only going because the King said every shinigami must go, and Amane has recently become the spokesperson of a fruit juice company, and she promised to bring me some good apple juice. I hope the fan club will be fun.

'I'm off to the juice factory. Your apples have been tasty too, but bye, humans.'

Ryuk flapped his gigantic wings and left the hotel suite, passing through the walls as though they did not exist at all. Light watched the departure of his nightmare, incredulous that its end was even more preposterous than its beginning. If each person's life was a story, he had no doubt that his author was simply too lazy to give him any proper closure.

'While I congratulate you on finally getting rid of the shinigami, Light-kun, I can't help but feel we've been cheated out of real victory.'

'Same here. I thought we'd have a chance to convince those shinigami once and for all when we…' Light did not finish, but touched his lips with one of his knuckles. 'I'm still glad they're gone, but their "reason"… Do you suppose they may come back when their fancy strikes again?'

'It depends on how capable Misa Amane is at maintaining their affection. We can look into this.' L stowed the thought in his mental drawer and changed the topic. 'Though, unless the shinigami returns soon…

'This is the end of our "arrangement".'

Time froze while Light and L looked at each other, both their expressions closed off.

'… So we'll need to make a new one.'

The corners of both their mouths went up at the suggestion, but Light ultimately remembered what he had been trying hard to ignore.

'… I should probably move back home, but first of all…' he sighed heavily, 'I need to talk to my father. I haven't since I left home.' He started walking towards his room even though he still had not decided how to contact his father, but L's unexpected response stopped him:

'I know. I've been talking with him, actually. Sort of.'

Standing in shock, Light watched L approach his laptop and open his email. 'The night you moved in, Soichiro Yagami found Watari's contact via the NPA system, and sent his apology and request that the bill concerning our arrangement be paid from his personal account.

'I replied with the advice that the Yagamis, father and son both, should stop abusing NPA contacts, but Watari did not forward it. As I've mentioned before, he thought I should pay for every single penny. He also promised that _I_ , who would see Yagami-san's underage son more often, would write daily reports regarding your well-being. _Those_ were forwarded to your father.

'You can see them here.'

Light hastened to the laptop and was horrified to see more than a hundred messages between his father, Watari and L.

 _Yagami-san,  
_ _This is the second day so there are two days' reports.  
_ _Light-kun was well yesterday. His memory was intact and I did not need to remind him of anything.  
_ _He was well today too. He determined his own diet and declined sweets.  
_ _Regards, L_

 _Yagami-san,  
_ _Light-kun was well today. He tried out a nice washing machine.  
_ _Regards, L  
_ (Watari added an attachment: Specification of QW Human Washing Machine 4-51 with )

 _…_ _Light-kun was well today. He displayed exceptional video game playing skill…_

 _…_ _Light-kun was well today. He saved me from injury in the kitchen and I am grateful…_

 _…_ _Light-kun was well today. He made an important discovery for the shinigami investigation…_

 _…_ _Light-kun was well today. He acquired excellent baking skills in commendable speed…_

 _…_ _Light-kun was well today. We had a walk by seaside…_

 _…_ _Light-kun was well today. I find his fighting spirit admirable…_

(Light's heart stopped as the messages reached the day they kissed.) _… Light-kun was well today. He excelled in everything he did, including university entrance exams…_

Light's shoulders sagged in relief when he saw that his father, ignorant of what 'everything' actually included, had simply replied 'Thank you very much'.

'At least you had the sense not to… Oh, never mind that. I understand why Watari-san thinks you need to communicate with my father, but you _should have told me_ when you wrote about me! And… and… and I maybe could've thought of a way to contact my father…'

'Yes, and objectively speaking, if your father had not received your news daily, he might have felt a stronger urge to contact you directly already.'

'… Is this your way of apologising? Without any apology at all?'

'… As a detective, I've always been right and seen no need to apologise to anybody…' L stopped under Light's sharp gaze. After a while, he admitted, '… but I'll admit that my priorities now are different from the beginning. If I were to face the same situation today, my decision might be different…'

Light continued to inspect L for a few seconds, but his gaze ultimately softened. 'Good enough for now,' he sighed gently, 'We didn't even get to plan any quarrel before the shinigami left, and I can't believe we started fighting for real this fast.'

'Watari predicts that either there'll be many more "fighting", or there won't be any more of it because we'll simply be fed up with each other and never meet again.' L said suddenly and started chewing on one of his fingers, looking annoyed. 'He seems to have developed a new interest in lecturing me since... days ago. This cannot continue. I must find a way to distract him.'

'Oh? Perhaps you can attach a shinigami to him.'

'Light-kun is being harsh even though _I_ am the one who's crossed with Watari. Does this mean he already likes me very much?'

'No. It's just delightful to imagine if Watari-san stops working for you in order to find himself a convincing lover.'

'Light-kun is extremely unkind. Does he want a second fight so soon?' L leaned closer to Light while thinking about his next step, and suddenly his eyes glinted with excitement. 'If so, I can start by beating him in a real tennis game. Today's weather is good enough, and I've been waiting for my revenge for too long.'

'Ha! You want revenge?' The same glint lit in Light's eyes. 'I thought we still needed to discuss what we're going to do, but now I've decided to remind you the taste of defeat first.'

'I doubt you'll succeed. But we'll see.'

* * *

Much to shinigami Ryuk's disappointment, the two childish humans who hated to lose did not turn into apples. They were still them and they sought victory in their own way.

Together.

 **END**

* * *

 **Author's note:** Light and L are both bastards and will never think of this, so there is no way to realistically say it in the story, so I want to apologise here for my harsh treatment of the Shinigami King. May you outlive those two petty humans and find the love you want and deserve.


End file.
